Well friends, Kristen is now driving all over the place, Anna is officially a teenager and it has been occurring to me more and more lately that my girls are growing up and will be gone from my little nest in, oh, about five short minutes. But let’s not wallow in panicked self-pity today. That’s not what this post is about! This post is about what I’m going to do when they’re gone. In other words:
What’s a momma with nobody to momma gonna do with herself?
My girls and I are pretty tight, and at the risk of sounding kind of pathetic and non-progressive to my more career-oriented readers, I admit to being pretty tied up in my title of mom to the point that my identity is pretty centered around it. And that’s ok with me, since in my opinion if you bring life into the world you should probably expect to center your world around raising those beings for a good chunk of years. But yeah…I am going to need something to fill my time when that job is done.
I am going to need a distraction of epic proportions.
Or at the very least something that keeps me on a schedule where I really am forced to not stay in bed weeping into my pillow alone in the fetal position and feeling like my life and purpose are done the entire time Seth is at work. ‘Cause that’s not sexy.
I need to start think about me and what to do with me and all of that jazz.
So in that spirit, potential future employers, here’s my resume for your consideration.
Fill time in a productive manner and contribute to my work environment in a manner which distracts from the fact that I am a sad empty nester who wakes up every day to an empty house. Avoid curling up into a ball of self-pity by realizing that I can be happy and fulfilled even with daughters gone from home. Prevent self from havin time to call/text children so much in any given day that they begin to avoid all calls/texts from my number. Find self apart from identity as mom. Allow husband to go to work daily without looking at me all confused and terrified as he says, “You…gonna’ be okay today? Do you need me to cancel my meeting and take you to lunch? Or maybe to a therapist?” Help supplement costs of college tuition, room and board because good God amighty how ’bout that college inflation?!? Make shoe money. Possibly also make handbag money. Okay, definitely shoe and bag money. And, not to backtrack too much, possibly therapist money.
Mom – 1998-present
Job duties included but not limited to: loving, caring for, and developing productive, kind, thoughtful human beings. Listening skills almost perfected, as is ability to detect mood of teenage daughter by tone rather than meaning of actual words. Tricky. Proficient in knowing when a toddler needs a cuddle, a kindergartener needs to feel independent, and whether a high schooler needs either to cuddle and/or feel independent (This is a highly specialized skill set which can only been developed with years of experience. I will admit to not exactly being sure how that might translate in the corporate world unless it has in recent years, unbeknownst to me while I was home, become acceptable to cuddle either coworker or employer. Will give this further thought). Fairly adept in walking the line between being a mother who is “cool” and not being a mother who is “trying to be cool.” Exceptional at being certain daughters feel confident and valued so that they do not end up wearing thong bikinis in a biker bar for attention. Adept in raising beautiful, intelligent, independent thinkers who do not feel the pressure to be just like everyone else and who feel zero need to wear a certain shoe or have a $50 sweatshirt (because seriously, guys, a $50 sweatshirt?) just because most of the popular kids do it. Accomplished in raising two incredible, faith-filled young women with such beyond-their-years wisdom and inner beauty that it will move a mother to tears if she thinks about it too much (Please disregard tear stains on resume).
Secretary – Engineering firm – 2000-2002.
Manager – Off-campus Dairy Queen, Auburn Alabama – 1995-1997
Auburn University, Auburn Alabama: 1994-1996 – No degree to show for all that student loan money. Would rather not discuss this point further.
Prattville High School, Prattville Alabama: 1990-1994
Supplied upon request, assuming I can find Charlie from the closed Auburn Dairy Queen and the engineer I worked for decades ago. They may both be dead by now, but I mean, I think they thought I was a’ight.
I think that’s a pretty good start. I’d totally hire me.